You really coming over, don't trick.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize