we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
