Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
