i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
