It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
