Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
