Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He keeps bees of course he's weird
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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