your room smells of hookers.
And success
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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