Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
