I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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