I faked an abortion last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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