did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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