No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
