Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
