I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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