the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm having to shit out rocks
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