Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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