I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
