How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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