you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
