It's Friday. Sex?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
