its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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