He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
