I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
