why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
