I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
