I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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