this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
