I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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