real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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