I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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