Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
