it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
