so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
