OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
