remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
