bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
