And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
