If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
