You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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