i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
