i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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