Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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