so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
