Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
