He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
