he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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