The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
