I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
