Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
