That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
