i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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