Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
