This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
