I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
