and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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