I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
