The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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