Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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