Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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