upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
