I forgot how hot balto sounded
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
