Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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