i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
