I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
