Kiss
Puke
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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