We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
please come you make the beer taste better
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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