Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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