i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Bring me that man meat
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
